Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy: A Strength-Based Approach To Healing From Your Inner Struggles
Family Systems (IFS) therapy is based on the idea that we all have various parts or sub-personalities. This is perfectly normal and to be expected. Have you ever thought “part of me wants to stay at home, but another part of me wants to go to the party”? Or “part of me admires my best friend, but another part of me is angry with them”? If you answered yes, you have a lot of company. It’s human nature to have an internal system or “committee”, and all members have important roles to play.
The problem begins when our various parts develop maladaptive and conflictual roles and behaviors in attempts to protect us. In IFS language, “there are no bad parts”, meaning that our parts’ intentions are good, but the ways in which these parts seek to achieve their aim may not always be constructive. Take the example of an addictive part, which may be trying to keep us from feeling unbearable fear, sadness, or hurt. When drunk on alcohol or high on drugs, these painful feelings are temporarily masked. However, the ramifications of addictive behaviors carry their own risks and detrimental consequences. With IFS therapy, the goal isn’t to talk the addictive part out of drinking or drug use (for example) but to understand the function of the behavior and strengthen the Self, so that the person’s needs can be met in a more productive way. Oftentimes the addictive behavior is then no longer necessary.
IFS maintains that we all have a core Self which is characterized by calmness, clear-mindedness, compassion, confidence, connectedness, courage, creativity, and curiosity. We are all born with this Self but can lose access to it. Our various subpersonalities or parts are the Exile, the Manager, and the Firefighter.
The Exile holds emotions such as shame, hurt, and fear, usually developed during early life experiences which felt overwhelming and scary, and the associated feelings and memories, including bodily sensations. For instance, a caregiver may have been abusive, rejecting, or neglectful, leading the Exile to feel powerless, shame, or dread. The Exile is often referred to as the inner child.
The Manager is a proactive protective part which tries to control all areas of the person’s life, both internally and externally, to block out the painful feelings of the Exile. The Manager’s goal is to function and keep the ship afloat while keeping the Exile’s feelings from spilling out and taking over the internal system. For instance, the Manager might become fixated on maintaining an orderly household, developing a successful business, or counting calories and achieving a certain “ideal” body weight. Managerial qualities often include perfectionism, care-taking, overthinking, people-pleasing, and criticizing (including oneself).
The Firefighter is a reactive protective part which gets activated when the Exile is feeling painful, threatening, or devastating emotions despite the Manager’s efforts to repress such feelings. Firefighters will go to any lengths to quell these emotions, including drug abuse, excessive alcohol use, binge eating, or violence. The motto of the Firefighter is “whatever it takes” when it comes to stuffing down uncomfortable feelings.
The goal of IFS is to strengthen the core Self and then help the Self identify our various parts, help them to feel seen and heard, learn about their function and needs, heal their wounds, and free them from the need to engage in their destructive behaviors. Once this is accomplished, all of our parts can work together in a balanced way, led by the Self. With help from the therapist, the client becomes better acquainted with these three parts, while strengthening access to and trust in the client’s Self. The client learns how painful or traumatic experiences from the distant or recent past may be contributing to extreme behaviors by one’s parts. Thus, a crucial component of IFS therapy involves healing from these hurtful or traumatic experiences. There is no need to try to stuff down, shame, or eliminate one’s parts – rather, therapy is a process of befriending one’s parts, which works more effectively than reprimanding them. The goal of IFS therapy is integration within oneself.
IFS therapy can be beneficial for people who struggle with depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including childhood trauma, shame, perfectionism, eating disorders, or addictions. Self-compassion is a major component of IFS therapy – it is a non-pathologizing approach. IFS therapy can help clients to know themselves better, understand possible motivations behind certain behaviors, and heal from past traumas, which can open the door to a more balanced, harmonious, and effective life.