When The Past Doesn’t Feel Past: Understanding PTSD and Complex PTSD

You might not remember the moment you stopped feeling safe—but your body probably does.

Maybe you find yourself reacting strongly to things that seem “small” to others: a raised voice, a change in someone’s tone, or a certain smell that makes your stomach clench. Maybe you’ve told yourself, “I should be over this by now,” or you feel ashamed that things from the past are still affecting your present.

If this sounds familiar, you may be living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)—and if so, you’re not broken. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect you. It just hasn’t realized yet that the danger is over.

PTSD, C-PTSD, and the Nervous System’s Protective Reflex

Trauma is often described as a response to an overwhelming event—but it’s also about the lack of support or safety afterward. It’s not just what happened. It’s what didn’t happen: no one came, no one helped, or maybe no one believed you.

PTSD can develop after a single traumatic event—such as an accident, natural disaster, assault, or medical emergency. It often involves:

• Flashbacks or nightmares

• Avoiding reminders of the trauma

• Startle responses or hypervigilance

• Trouble sleeping or concentrating

• Guilt, numbness, or emotional disconnection

Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), on the other hand, usually stems from prolonged or repeated trauma—especially in childhood, in situations where you felt powerless, or in relationships where escape wasn’t possible. It often includes the above symptoms, but also:

• Persistent shame or worthlessness

• Difficulty trusting others or maintaining boundaries

• Emotional flashbacks without a clear narrative

• Dissociation—feeling numb, detached, or like you’re watching your life from the outside

These experiences aren’t always dramatic or even visible. Some people grow up thinking what they experienced was “normal”—until one day they realize it wasn’t. That moment can be heartbreaking, but also freeing.

Examples of How Trauma Shows Up (Even Years Later)

The effects of trauma don’t always announce themselves clearly. Instead, they sneak into daily life in subtle and confusing ways:

• You hear laughter from a group nearby and feel certain they’re talking about you.

• Someone expresses disappointment, and you feel like you’ve failed as a human being.

• You walk into a room and instantly scan for who feels safe—and who might turn.

• You say “yes” when you mean “no,” then feel resentful or ashamed afterward.

• You lie awake replaying a conversation from days ago, unsure if you did something wrong.

Trauma lives not just in the mind, but in the body. And when your body is constantly on guard, relaxation, connection, and even joy can feel unfamiliar—or unsafe.

The Body Keeps the Score… and the Score Can Be Rewritten

This is where Polyvagal Theory comes in—a helpful way of understanding how trauma affects your nervous system. Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, this theory describes how our bodies respond to threat, safety, and connection.

Your autonomic nervous system operates in three main states:

• Ventral vagal (safe and social): You feel grounded, open, and able to connect.

• Sympathetic (fight or flight): You feel anxious, angry, or wired—ready to act.

• Dorsal vagal (shutdown): You feel numb, checked out, or disconnected.

These shifts are not choices—they’re automatic. Your system is always scanning for cues of danger or safety, even if you aren’t consciously aware of it. And if you’ve experienced trauma, your system may lean more heavily into protection than connection.

But with practice and support, these responses can soften. You can learn how to bring your system back into balance, bit by bit.

What Helps?

Healing from trauma isn’t about digging up every painful memory. It’s about increasing your sense of choice and capacity. It’s about being able to feel your feelings without being swallowed by them. And it’s about making space for connection, agency, and self-trust.

In my work with clients, I draw from:

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): to help you notice and shift patterns of thought and behavior that no longer serve you

• Internal Family Systems (IFS): to gently explore the different “parts” of you—especially the ones that are trying (sometimes clumsily) to keep you safe

• Somatic and polyvagal-informed approaches: to help you work with your body’s signals, regulate your nervous system, and experience safety from the inside out

You don’t have to relive everything to heal from it. Sometimes the most powerful shift is learning to stay present during a difficult emotion—without abandoning yourself or shutting down.

What Healing Can Look Like

Healing isn’t linear. Some days it may feel like you’ve made huge strides. Other days, you may wonder if you’ve made any progress at all. That’s normal. What matters is the overall direction—toward more freedom, more choice, more connection.

Here’s what healing might look like in real life:

• You feel anger rise, and instead of pushing it down or blowing up, you pause—and respond differently.

• You set a boundary, and although it’s uncomfortable, you don’t collapse with guilt.

• You find yourself enjoying a quiet afternoon without the usual undercurrent of tension.

• You stop assuming every negative feeling means something is wrong with you.

• You begin to believe—not just intellectually, but in your bones—that you are worthy of kindness.

You don’t have to become a different person. You’re not being “fixed”—you’re remembering who you were before the fear took over. Or perhaps, discovering parts of yourself that never had a chance to fully emerge.

You’re Not Alone, and You’re Not Too Much

Trauma can make you feel isolated—even from yourself. It can distort your sense of identity, self-worth, and safety. But none of that has to be permanent.

You’re not too sensitive. You’re not too broken. You are someone whose system adapted beautifully to get through something hard—and who now deserves support as you learn to live, not just survive.

If any of this resonates, know that you don’t have to do this alone. Therapy can be a safe, compassionate space to reconnect with yourself—at your pace, in your way.

You are allowed to heal. And your healing can start exactly where you are.