Listening To Your Body: Internal Family Systems (IFS) & Eating Disorders

Let’s say you’ve struggled with food—eating too much, eating too little, worrying constantly about what and when and how. Or maybe you feel like your body is your enemy, or your emotions are all over the place (or just plain… gone). Now imagine someone tells you, “Actually, this might not just be about food. It might be your nervous system trying to keep you safe.”

Wait, what?

Enter Polyvagal Theory (aka, “the science of feeling safe”)—a surprisingly helpful framework that explains a whole lot about why our bodies and brains do what they do under stress. It’s like learning your inner wiring manual… only, instead of fixing your Wi-Fi, you’re learning how to make peace with your own body.

So, What Is Polyvagal Theory?

Developed by neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory explains how your autonomic nervous system—basically the body’s autopilot—responds to safety, danger, and everything in between.

Think of it as your body’s emotional thermostat, with three settings:

• Ventral Vagal (a.k.a. Safe and Social): This is your “I’m okay, I’ve got this” zone. You feel calm, connected, maybe even joyful. Your digestion works, your face smiles naturally, and you can have a conversation without overthinking every sentence. This is the sweet spot.
• Sympathetic (Fight or Flight): Your body senses danger, so it revs the engine. You might feel anxious, panicky, angry, or on edge. In eating disorder land, this is where food feels terrifying, your thoughts race, and your inner critic shouts at top volume.
• Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown/Freeze): When things feel too overwhelming to fight or flee, your system hits the brakes. You shut down. Emotions go quiet, your body feels heavy, and even basic tasks can feel like trying to run through molasses. Often, this is where binge eating, dissociation, or numbing out shows up.

What This Has to Do With Food (A Lot, Actually)

Eating disorders often get framed as being about body image or control—and those things matter. But many people I’ve worked with aren’t trying to be thin or “good.” They’re trying to feel safe.

That’s where Polyvagal Theory comes in. It helps us understand that disordered eating behaviors are often attempts—clever, if ultimately unhelpful—to regulate a nervous system that feels constantly under threat.

Take Emily*, for example. She struggled with anorexia for years and described feeling strangely disconnected from hunger, as if her body didn’t belong to her. It turns out, her nervous system had slipped into dorsal vagal shutdown—a survival mode where even basic bodily cues like hunger get numbed out. Restriction, for her, wasn’t just about control—it was about not feeling anything.

On the other hand, Jake*, who struggled with binge eating, often felt a buzzing kind of panic around food. He’d try to resist, then feel overwhelmed, eat quickly, and afterward sink into shame and self-loathing. His body was ping-ponging between sympathetic fight-or-flight and dorsal collapse—revved up, then totally flatlined.

How Polyvagal Theory Helps Us Heal

Once you understand that your body isn’t betraying you—but is actually trying to protect you—it changes everything. Instead of blaming yourself for your eating behaviors, you start asking: What is my nervous system trying to do right now? And how can I help it feel safer?

Here’s how therapy can help bring your system (and your relationship with food) back into balance:

1. Rebuilding a Sense of Safety (aka Getting Back to Ventral Vagal)

The first step is helping your nervous system remember what calm even feels like. This isn’t just about deep breathing (though that helps); it’s about creating environments, relationships, and moments that say to your body: You’re safe now.

Ways we do this:

• Gentle breathwork, grounding, or mindful movement.
• Building a warm, nonjudgmental therapeutic relationship. Feeling seen and safe with another person can shift your nervous system in powerful ways.
• Somatic practices like yoga, tai chi, or even lying on the floor listening to cello music. Whatever makes your body go, “Ahhh, okay.”

2. Calming the Fight-or-Flight Frenzy (Sympathetic State)

For folks stuck in anxious perfectionism or food panic, the goal isn’t just to calm down—it’s to help your body recognize that it’s not actually in danger right now. It’s to help your body realize that the emergency it’s bracing for isn’t actually happening right now.

Some tools:

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Helps you notice thought patterns like “If I eat carbs, I’ll spiral out of control” and test whether that’s really true.
• Exposure work: Practicing eating feared foods in a safe setting, with support, so your body learns, “Hey… I survived that.”
• Self-compassion exercises: You don’t need to fix your anxiety. You just need to be with it a little more gently.

Jake, for example, learned to pause before a binge, place his hand on his chest, and name what he was really feeling: “I’m scared and tired and need comfort.” With time, he found other ways to soothe himself—ones that didn’t end in collapse.

3. Waking Up From Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal State)

For those who feel checked out, numb, or like they’re watching life from underwater, therapy becomes about very gently inviting the body back online. No pressure, no rush.

This might include:

• Tiny, doable actions—stretching for one minute, standing outside in the sun, listening to music that evokes something.
• Creative outlets like art, music, or journaling. Sometimes your hands know what your brain doesn’t.
• Naming feelings (“I feel blank” counts!) and slowly reconnecting with hunger, fullness, and emotional cues.

For Emily, drawing became a way to express emotions she couldn’t put into words. That creative spark helped her begin to feel hunger again—and eventually, to respond to it with care instead of fear.

It’s Not Just About Food—It’s About Safety, Connection, and Aliveness

Here’s the heart of it: eating disorders aren’t random. They’re adaptations. And your nervous system is doing its best to keep you safe based on what it learned—sometimes a long time ago.

But healing is possible. When we understand our bodies through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, we stop blaming ourselves and start getting curious: What’s my body telling me right now? What do I need to feel just a little more safe, a little more connected, a little more alive?

If you’ve felt stuck, ashamed, or like your body’s working against you, know this: it’s not. It’s speaking. And with the right kind of support—both gentle and bold—you can learn to listen.

And who knows? One day, you might find yourself sharing a quiet moment with a friend, feeling grounded in your body, and surprised by a sense of okay-ness. That’s the nervous system doing its quiet magic.

* All client names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.